“HARMONY”
The curtains swung
together and the players settled their instruments into stands and trooped off
the stage for a well-earned cup of tea, and with luck, a sandwich.
The stage was in darkness
and, save for the murmurings beyond the curtains as the audience shuffled into
the adjacent room for their refreshments, all was quiet. Quiet that is until a
deep rumbling “emission” sounded from the back of the stage.
“Pardon me!” said the bass
drum in a tone that rather belied the request.
“He's always doing that.” shrilled a rather prissy clarinet standing
with the saxophones. “Doin' what?”
queried the drum. “Making loud and
vulgar noises.” “Yeah! So! it's
what I do innit?” retorted the drum whilst the rather nervy cymbals hissed in
support. “ Well we don't need it
during the intervals as well” intoned
the very dignified Baritone sax.
“Those of us with the
lower registers do not need to lower our standards as well. “Oh giv'over” boomed the string bass. 'e's
doinno 'arm. Better out than in I
say.” “Well you would say that.
Wouldn't you.” slid in one of the
trombones. The trombones whilst being highly polished performers had a
reputation for being rather a slippery crew with a penchant for stretching the
truth at times. “You're all the same you
lot in the rhythm section. No class.”
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! The guitar's
strings were all of a tremble and the tremolo arm was going up and down like a
steam piston. “No class! No Class!
Talk about the kettle calling the pot black – you brassy piece.” At the mention of brassy pieces the
trumpets began to loosen their valves prior to joining in. “We don't need you lot adding your two
penn'orth.” exclaimed the tenor sax. “
so stick your mutes in your bells and shut up!”
A wail of outrage from the trumpets caused the piano to finally
intervene He being a rather “Grand” fellow, was held in some awe by the rest of
the instruments. “Gentlemen, gentlemen ,
please!” “That's totally saxist”
whispered an alto saxophone. “LADIES
and gentlemen” continued the piano. “This is all very unseemly. Remember! We
are part of a “Band”. We must endeavour to remain a harmonious unit at all
times. Bass Drum – control yourself.
Clarinet – you are not above the occasional squeak yourself when your reed is
out of sorts. So cast no more aspersions. Now let us all settle on to our rests
and cool down before the second part of the concert begins.” “I Agree, I
Agree!” trilled the flute who was gentle and melodious by nature and was
thoroughly unsettled by such discord, but as she was still in her case no-one
heard her.
An increasing shuffling of feet beyond the
curtains alerted the instruments to the imminent return of the players. Apart
from a bit of a rattle from the drumsticks as they sorted themselves into order
in their holder and a muted coughing as the brass cleared their spit valves,
silence once more descended.
Two minutes later the
curtains swished apart, the dancers took to the floor and the players launched
into the next number. “I,m Only Dreamin”
There
is of course total harmony in the
John Whittle